Call Me Caffrican...

I feel like it’s an appropriate time to tell the blogging world about a kid who shaped not only who I am, but how my life is to be lived. I wish I could say my eyes are completely dry and I have a huge smile on my face as I write this but despite my faith and all things I dream to be possible, I still cannot manage to escape the fate of tears when the start of the month of September creeps up on me. 

Four years ago I met the kid I will never forget and will forever call my best friend. His name is Alex Kirk and he was the best guy my sixteen year old self could have come across. He was never angry, always patient, willing to help, full of laughter, the first to fight the battle of a high school hallway to give me a hug and never failing in making me smile when all I wanted to do was frown. At the age of sixteen, you could say I was an emotional black hole. I didn’t cry unless I was beyond the point of livid, people rarely fazed me in how I was perceived. I pretty much didn’t give a shit about anything except when Alex had something to tell me. He didn’t give me advice just because, he usually gave it to me when I reeeeeeallllllyyyyyyyy didn’t want to hear it but absolutely needed to hear it. It still amazes me how I could be fighting with my parents and not listen to a word but if it came out of Alex’s little British mouth, I’d at least take it into consideration. He had a way with people and the knack to get them to understand the most complex situation in a simple manner. Precisely why he would also sit with me for an entire lunch period just to help me with algebra. Complex problems, simple solution. Life was my complex problem and Alex was my solution.

I can’t even begin to explain to you how attached to the hip me, Amanda and Alex were with each other. I would wake up to them and usually fall asleep with them too until I woke up to kick them out of my house. We did everything together. Mostly in his blue VW van as well. I think I illegally sat on the ground of that van more times than not just to drive around. Don’t get me wrong, we usually drove around until we decided to get ice cream where I earned the nickname Caffrican the African. Not because any of us are racist or anything ridiculous, but because Alex consistently made fun of how insanely PALE I am. Lets just say it stuck. My family expected him and Amanda to be over everyday and that is how it was. If we weren’t at my house, we were at his. I’ll never forget the day I had my first British hot tea experience. They don’t use normal sugar, but sugar cubes and HELLO who would think a sugar cube would taste anything but like sugar? Uh well, anyone who thinks this would be wrong. So, so wrong. I popped that sugar cube in my mouth and thought I was about to die it tasted so terribly. Needless to say, I didn’t react well to that experience and will NEVER eat another sugar cube again. As always, we laughed and laughed and laughed. I guess I forgot to mention he told me not to put it in my mouth. Stubborn me, lesson learned, memories made. 

Alex taught me so much about myself, but I never realized how much he would teach me even after he was gone. One very short year later, my best friend passed away. I think the reason I struggle with driving to College Station from Katy is that I know which road saw him last; I know which road took him from me and the rest of the people who adored his soul and presence in our lives. When Alex was taken from me, I broke down. I’ve never felt so many emotions in my life. Anger, sadness, regret, confusion and emptiness. I never knew how much a single being could fill your heart until I lost it. It’s the feeling of total incompleteness. You never know how beautiful and dreadful life is until a little bright light gets taken out of it. Through this time, I lost a lot of things. I lost my faith in God and I lost ability to cope with things I’ve never had, I lost my way completely. I had no idea what to do with myself and I don’t think anyone else knew what to do either. I didn’t know how selfish I was being at the time, but to me I could never imagine how anyone could understand what was happening in my life. It took almost two years for me to find my way but while taking all the wrong turns, I could finally feel that little presence with me that I had when Alex was here. It took me that long to realize that love what and who you have when you have them and CONTINUE that way of life even when you feel like they aren’t there anymore. Alex’s death brought me to the lowest place in my life and then brought me back to the highest part of life. My faith in life and love and God were replenished and stronger than ever. Nothing could have done that for me except for one of the biggest losses a person can lose. Alex was a huge part of my living life but now he’s a huge part of my eternal life beyond this world. Alex isn’t just my angel, he is a guardian to a sister and a family that is so special, I can’t even put them into words. 

Alex was a major building block to who I was becoming and is a massive part of who I am now and will be in the future. I share you with him because everyone needs someone they can relate to. I’ve been that someone for others as he was my someone to me. Never, EVER forget the beauty of life. Life will kick your ass more times than not, but find the people who will build you up to be BETTER, to be greater than you could ever imagine to be and never let them go. Even when they’re taken from you. Fight your fight and conquer life’s battles. You’ll never know why within a day, but one day you will and one day you’ll be thankful. Love and let yourself be loved. There is no greater feeling than to have family and friends that can wrap you up when you’re falling apart.

Alex Kirk, I’ll never forget you and never stop loving the person you always were. Until we meet again. 9/7/08 <3

To end this blog I leave you with a Bible verse God thrust into my life at a time of weakness:
 

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10- But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”